No Escape

It's not the kind of sadness where you cry all the time. It is more of the sadness that overwhelms your entire body, leaving your heart aching and your stomach empty. You feel weak and tired, and yet you can't even sleep, because you encounter this sadness in your dreams. You just can't escape.

Behind Every Beautiful Thing, There's Some Kind Of Pain

I had finally found tranquility. Never having to look my demon in the eyes, I was able to escape. I ran and hid. Started a new life. I convinced my surroundings, as well as myself, that I was normal and secure. My mind and body felt relief from the pain. The road of recovery was actually in my sights. An innocent heart and uncorrupted mind began to seem like more than just unattainable desires. The act of feeling okay seemed real. Unfortunately, running away is never a perpetual fix. Eventually this agonizing quandary will hunt you down. It will find you. I let my guard down, and my demon has returned. Slowly it is pulling me back under its control. I can fight, and I will. But as I learned before, I will never be strong enough to fully relieve myself of this cruel disaster.