No Escape

It's not the kind of sadness where you cry all the time. It is more of the sadness that overwhelms your entire body, leaving your heart aching and your stomach empty. You feel weak and tired, and yet you can't even sleep, because you encounter this sadness in your dreams. You just can't escape.

Behind Every Beautiful Thing, There's Some Kind Of Pain

I had finally found tranquility. Never having to look my demon in the eyes, I was able to escape. I ran and hid. Started a new life. I convinced my surroundings, as well as myself, that I was normal and secure. My mind and body felt relief from the pain. The road of recovery was actually in my sights. An innocent heart and uncorrupted mind began to seem like more than just unattainable desires. The act of feeling okay seemed real. Unfortunately, running away is never a perpetual fix. Eventually this agonizing quandary will hunt you down. It will find you. I let my guard down, and my demon has returned. Slowly it is pulling me back under its control. I can fight, and I will. But as I learned before, I will never be strong enough to fully relieve myself of this cruel disaster.

Because We All Need A Little Help Sometimes

"If you look close enough to the world around you, you might find someone like you. Someone trying to find their way. Someone trying to find their self. Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, unsatisfied, barely getting by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes. We need someone to remind us that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there. And that someone will find you."

Nightmare

Like my own shadow on a sunny day,

I can’t keep this monster away.

It haunts me anywhere that I run.

There’s just one place I haven’t tried,

But my soul’s not ready to take that ride,

So for now this sinner’s gonna fight this on her own.

Im slipping under, someone save me.

This nightmare, my reality

[Chorus]

Why can’t you let me live?

I just want to feel okay.

I have no more feeling to give,

There are no more words to say.

Release me from this hell I’m in.

I may not live to see another day.

My body hurts, my heart is numb.

“Monster” please just go away.

Blurry faces, empty stares,

Concerning comments, I don’t care.

No one will ever understand anyways.

You’ve kidnapped me for yourself, alone.

Secluded me from all I’ve ever known.

You’re suffocating, my life is merely a daze.

[Chorus]

Why can’t you let me live?

I just want to feel okay.

I have no more feeling to give,

There are no more words to say.

Release me from this hell I’m in.

I may not live to see another day.

My body hurts, my heart is numb.

“Monster” please just go away.

[Bridge]

Hurting, I can’t breathe.

Fighting back my tears.

What have you done to me?

I’m hurting, let me breathe!

Choking on my tears.

What are you doing to me?

[Chorus 2X]

Monster, set me free… 

(All rights go to Jessie Punch)

Be My Shotgun

This journey has been overwhelming. So overwhelming that I haven't even been able to find the time to do the things I love the most. Don't get me wrong, I love this place. It is exactly what I needed and I know that I can thrive here. I just wish that you could be here to hold my hand and experience this life with me. Seeing you, stuck in a past that isn't leading you to any promising future, breaks my heart. I hurt because I know your potential. Everyone tells me to let it go. How can I let go of something that I love so much? I am so much better to you than I should be. You don't deserve half of what I do for you, and yet I continue to treat you the way I do. I hold you at such a special place in my heart. I wish you knew and appreciated how much you mean to me. I wish you would leave the past behind and come on this journey with me.

I Hate The Way I Love You

You hurt me. You betrayed me. You stripped me of my trust. You led me on. You lied to me. You used me. You embarrassed me. I hate you. You give me butterflies. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me feel beautiful. You make me feel safe. I don't understand why I can love you the way that I do. This love hurts. You are worth it. 

All That I Know Is I Don't Know

I truly believe the most painful thing a person can experience is a broken heart. And if you have ever felt a broken heart you know that I am right. Not only do you feel completely empty, but any kind of recovery seems impossible. I know. I know heartbreak all too well. When the pain hits me, it hits harder than ever expected. My body has physically hit the floor and I've known that no matter how hard I try I will not find the strength to get up. I lie on the floor. I feel nothing. I am completely numb. My thoughts are racing faster than I can comprehend. The world around me continues to carry on as normal, but my world has stopped. I try to understand this feeling. I try to fathom the pain, but I soon realize that if I continue my efforts I will simply lose my mind. Is it too late? Have I already lost?

 Help me.