Be My Shotgun

This journey has been overwhelming. So overwhelming that I haven't even been able to find the time to do the things I love the most. Don't get me wrong, I love this place. It is exactly what I needed and I know that I can thrive here. I just wish that you could be here to hold my hand and experience this life with me. Seeing you, stuck in a past that isn't leading you to any promising future, breaks my heart. I hurt because I know your potential. Everyone tells me to let it go. How can I let go of something that I love so much? I am so much better to you than I should be. You don't deserve half of what I do for you, and yet I continue to treat you the way I do. I hold you at such a special place in my heart. I wish you knew and appreciated how much you mean to me. I wish you would leave the past behind and come on this journey with me.

I Hate The Way I Love You

You hurt me. You betrayed me. You stripped me of my trust. You led me on. You lied to me. You used me. You embarrassed me. I hate you. You give me butterflies. You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me feel beautiful. You make me feel safe. I don't understand why I can love you the way that I do. This love hurts. You are worth it. 

All That I Know Is I Don't Know

I truly believe the most painful thing a person can experience is a broken heart. And if you have ever felt a broken heart you know that I am right. Not only do you feel completely empty, but any kind of recovery seems impossible. I know. I know heartbreak all too well. When the pain hits me, it hits harder than ever expected. My body has physically hit the floor and I've known that no matter how hard I try I will not find the strength to get up. I lie on the floor. I feel nothing. I am completely numb. My thoughts are racing faster than I can comprehend. The world around me continues to carry on as normal, but my world has stopped. I try to understand this feeling. I try to fathom the pain, but I soon realize that if I continue my efforts I will simply lose my mind. Is it too late? Have I already lost?

 Help me.

New Beginnings...

Change is inevitable. Life takes us through many stages whether we are prepared or not. As someone who has never been a huge fan of change, it is safe to say I am getting anxious about what is to come. I am trying to embrace change and this new stage in my life. If I welcome it with open arms, I will be less likely to miss out on all it has to offer. Yes, I will be leaving behind and moving on from a lot of people and experiences, but recently the thought of this makes me relieved. I can't wait to have this new life take the weight of mistakes and heartbreak off my shoulders. Or at least I hope that is what happens. So basically to sum this up, even though I will be bawling like a baby the day I leave, I am hopeful of the life that the road ahead has in store.